The final step…what a long strange journey it’s been!

I realize it’s been a long time since my last blog post. And this will probably be the final one unless of course I hear those scary words again, “You’re cancer has come back.” Obviously, I hope that won’t be the case but unfortunately, with cancer and in particular my specific type of breast cancer, it could very well happen. In fact, almost a week ago another one of my sweet Pink Ribbon Cowgirls succumbed to her battle with breast cancer after fighting it for a year and a half. 

In any case, I am finally done with the breast reconstruction! My new boobs look as real and normal as they’re ever going to look. A few weeks ago I underwent the last step, which was to get nipple tattoos. I know that sounds crazy but that’s how one gets aureola and nipples again when they’ve been surgically removed. I chose to get the latest and greatest in the breast reconstruction world – the 3-D nipple tattoos! A very nice woman at my plastic surgeons office, who is a licensed cosmetology tattoo artist, tattooed a nipple and the surrounding areola using color shading on both breasts.

Did it hurt? Heck, yeah! I don’t have much feeling in my breasts so I didn’t think it would be painful. But I was wrong. As soon as she started, I could feel the needle pricking my skin, little pricks of pain. Fortunately, once we realized that my breasts had more sensation than we had originally thought, she spread Lidocaine around to numb the area and then it was fine.

Amazingly, they look very real! At least, from the front they do. But if you look at them from the side view, you quickly realize there is no actual nipple. For me, it’s much more pleasant to look down at my boobs and see something in the center other than just big surgery scars. I chose to go this route because I really didn’t want to be put under anesthesia and go through another surgery. Also, I didn’t want to have permanent “headlights” and then have to wear a bra all the time. I mean isn't going bra-less one of the perks of having implants? 

Going through cancer has changed me immensely. I’m sure that anyone who has gone through a life threatening illness or event feels the same way. For me now, there is a real sense of a timeline to my life. I want to live life to the fullest. What that means, I am not sure quite yet, but I know I am no longer fine sitting around waiting for things to happen. As the saying goes, “Seize the day!” and now this saying means more to me than it ever did. Maybe I’ll go join the circus. Heck, I am even thinking about starting to exercise on a regular basis. Now that is saying something!

A new year

Another year has come and gone. I realize I haven't written anything for a while so first let me catch y'all up on some of the "old" news. The first half of 2012 was kind of crappy as I was finishing my radiation treatments, then dealing with all the after-effects of those treatments, and then having the surgery where my tissue expanders were finally replaced with "real" breast implants. Fortunately, things got a lot better the second half of 2012 because I finally went back to work, landing a temp position with an educational software company. And then it got even better: In late October my temporary status changed to permanent! The job is going well so far, though I do wish there was a little more variety. My boss anticipates there will be more interesting tasks for me to take on as the company continues to grow, so I'm optimistic about that.

At first I didn't tell anyone at work about having breast cancer, but I finally shared it with my boss and a co-worker when a particular work situation arose. You see, I share an office with this co-worker, and she insisted on keeping our door shut—all the time. It seemed like nothing could change her mind about this. It was driving me bonkers; it would get so hot and stuffy in there, and with my frequent hot flashes I felt like I was going to pass out. Plus it was kind of depressing having the door closed all day, not seeing anyone else in the office. So I finally told my boss about having been recently treated for cancer and the subsequent hot flashes (yes, I pulled the cancer card). She was great about it, intervening on my behalf. Now our office door stays open unless it's freezing in the building, in which case we will close it long enough to warm up the room.

I'm really hoping that 2013 will be a great year for Mr. Pincushion and me. God knows we deserve it. I really, really hope Mr. Pincushion finds that full-time college teaching position. I would also love to start painting again, as I haven't painted a thing since this past summer and I miss it. A trip to some far-off place is also on the agenda. Perhaps the U.K.? The new year is full of exciting possibilities and I for one am looking forward to seeing what will happen! Happy New Year everyone!

A working woman again

I am working full-time again, the first time since 2010. Granted this is another contract position, meaning I don't know when it will end but it most likely will in the not too distant future. In any case, boy has it been hard to join the rat race again, waking up at 5:30am to get ready, working all day and dealing with Austin traffic! By the time I get home from my 45 minute commute, I have about 3 hours left to get stuff done before my weary body gives out completely and I head to bed. The problem is that I'm so pooped at night that I don't want to do anything but veg out in front of the television. Now I hate to complain because it's great to get a paycheck and I've been job searching for a long time, but after all that I've been through physically over the years, my body/mind just doesn't bounce back like it used to. Unlike my sister who works an insane amount of hours and has been known to stay up until midnight paying her bills, I need at least a solid eight hours of sleep to feel okay the next morning. I honestly don't know how all you women out there work full-time and raise children. What I'm finding is that since working, my social life, my hobbies, and my never-ending quest for a PERMANENT job, has all gone down the tubes. I'm sure that my working friends and family can completely relate many times over. I don't remember when the last time I painted something. And I sorely miss going to my monthly Pink Ribbon Cowgirl luncheons. In fact, I shouldn't even be wasting my time right now writing this blog post and instead I should be reading my emails and checking the job boards. Ugh.....

Raising money

This past Saturday the Pink Cowgirls held a massive garage & bake sale to raise money for the family of one of our own, a woman who recently lost her fight with breast cancer. By 6am a group of us were assembled to unload, organize and put out for display the bazillions of items that people had generously donated. Most of us helping out at the sale were wearing our Pink Ribbon Cowgirl t-shirts. The doors opened officially at 8am as we were still trying to put stuff out, and it seemed like every few minutes people were arriving to drop off even more items. Meanwhile we were swamped with customers! It got pretty crazy for awhile. One of the Cowgirls made homemade ice cream to sell, while others brought brownies, cookies and cakes. We even sold homemade dog biscuits!

The day was long and tiring but also a ton of fun, made even better by knowing it was for a great cause. And I loved the sense of community that was felt by all, but especially among the Pink Cowgirls. We're still calculating the total amount we raised but I know that there was almost $4000 in checks and cash, not counting the credit card sales.

Funny stories about my new "girls."

So far my new "girls" have provided me with some funny moments that I'd like to share. About a week ago, I was having lunch with some of my Pink Ribbon Cowgirls. I was sitting next to a friend when I stood up to talk to an other gal next to her. All of the sudden, my friend cleared her throat and said to me quietly, "Um Romy, your boob is resting on my shoulder." Well, I had no idea that it was, because I have no sensation what-so-ever (and probably never will) in my new breasts! Fortunately, we both started cracking up as she completely understood, as only a fellow breast cancer survivor could.
Then a few minutes later I was leaning over my cappuccino talking to an other friend, when that friend pointed down and said, "Romy, watch out. You're about to dunk your boob in your coffee." Laughs all around again. Boy, I'm going to really have to watch my "girls." They seem to get in the way all the time and since I can't feel them, it would be very easy to have a serious mishap!

On a different note, the "girls" are healing nicely. The horrible pain I was feeling underneath my left breast every time I bent down is gone thankfully. I thought the pain might be due to an infection but the surgeon checked it and said that everything looked good so far. He also removed the rest of the stitches. Overall, I must say that I am pleased with the way they look although sometimes the right breast looks like it's deflating in one small area. I'm not sure what that is all about but I hope that it doesn't get worse.